Is the language you use in everyday conversation and your writing sexist? Is it possible that you are using phrases that reinforce gender stereotypes? If the answer to either question is yes, click on the guide to read a fairly comprehensive list of every day language that you can start to avoid – or to use more conscientiously.
Tonight, we finished watching the last three episodes of Netflix’ original series, Hollywood, and I was in tears several times. That wasn’t really anything new, as I am a light touch when it comes to tearing up. I’ve been known to cry at commercials – and not just the holiday variety. But tonight was different. I sat watching the credits and the tears streamed down my face. I tried to understand why, and the best I can gather is that the possibility of representation and inclusion, and how it might change society, affected me tremendously.
I think I can write this without spoilers . . . but just in case, if you want to avoid some insight that isn’t immediately apparent in the show, save this article for later. The show envisions what Hollywood would have looked like if people consistently shoved out of the spotlight were instead pushed into it – and, given the chance to succeed there. The story follows several struggling artists on their hopeful rise to the top, and the studio that can launch them or bury them. We have a black, gay writer trying to prove he can write any story – not just Black stories; a Black starlet on contract with the studio who can only get parts as a domestic, despite her leading-lady talent; a promising director who is half-Filipino but passes as white and is not content with pulling up the ladder behind him as he reaches new heights; a white, gay actor being taken advantage of because he is in the closet; and finally, we have a white, straight, farm-raised, dimpled, leading man type who turns tricks to get by. An integral part of the story is that the studio is run by a Jewish woman and a closeted gay man and it is not clear whether the newcomers change them, or they change the newcomers.
Though they are not young, struggling artists, we also have a Chinese-American actress who loses an Oscar-winning role to a white actress who “puts on yellow face,” a Black woman who actually won an Academy Award but was not able to sit in the theater to receive it, and several mature white woman who are – of all things – sexual. Reading this again, I am frankly shocked that we have this kind of cast in a mainstream show. These characters are not playing the mysterious, menacing villains or laughable caricatures of thug, gay best friend, single mother not making it, nerdy Asian kid, or matronly woman. They are the center of the series and they are integral to the story.
Here, we have a vision of Hollywood where powerful white people take a stand to support Black artists. We have brave Black women fighting to walk into the theater – through the front door – where they might receive an award that same evening. There are men coming out despite the bombshell that it might drop on their careers. Yet, the story isn’t a coming-out story. I don’t think it is a race story, either. To me, it feels like the most hopeful longing of how American history might have been different. And then, the possibility creeps in. If it had been different, where would we be now?
Just imagine if a movie had been penned by a Black, gay writer and starred a Black woman in 1947 – before schools were ordered to be desegregated and before Blacks and whites were allowed to marry. It wasn’t until 2009 that Geoffrey Fletcher became the first Black writer to receive an Oscar for adapted screenplay (Precious), and not until 2018 did a Black writer win in the original screenplay category – Jordan Peele for Get Out. No Black woman won an Oscar for best actress until 2001 when Halle Berry took home the much-delayed honor for Monster’s Ball (Hattie McDaniel won for best supporting actress in 1939 for her portrayal of Mammy in Gone with the Wind).
Imagine if one of the major studios had been run by a woman in the 40s or 50s, something that wouldn’t be accomplished until 1980 by Sherry Lansing. Would we still have had decades of women relegated to the kitchen and being excited by new appliances? What if men and women were able to be their true selves – to hold hands with the one they loved in public? I tried to track down the first major Hollywood studio to feature a love story between two men, and have inconclusively landed on Brokeback Mountain, released in 2005. If these milestones had been accomplished in 1947 (or possibly not have been needed at all), there would have been no Hays Code , no McCarthyism.
Perhaps there would have been no need for that walk over the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma (1965), no Stonewall riots in New York City (1969), no Montgomery Bus Boycott (1955-56), no bra-burning at the Miss America pageant (the burning didn’t happen but the protest did, in 1968). We would be so much closer to the America that I want to see today if the history portrayed in Hollywood here was real. I would have been able to be myself in high school, maybe even middle school. I would not have had to stop several classes short of a minor in Queer Literature for fear that it would out me on my college transcript. I won’t even get into the lost souls who took their own lives in desperation, the racial murders, and the terror of cross-burning, or the millions of teens kicked out of their homes and families. If we had gotten started on civil rights almost 20 years earlier, how much further along the road to equity and equality would we be now? Would we still see police officers with their knees on George Floyd’s neck?
The promise of this America, one where I can be myself, where my bravery is rewarded rather than punished, where Black men and women feel protected by the justice system and can pursue any dream they have, where women are allowed to be powerful and in control, moved me to tears. I know that my tears do not produce action; they do not promote change. I am devoted to creating the America that I have to believe can and will exist, and maybe that is why Hollywood made me cry. Knowing that others share my vision gives me hope – hope that someday my tears will be tears of joy.
What is life like during the pandemic? I am privileged enough to have a home, food and essentials, the ability to wash and dry our clothes, plenty of space for social distancing, and my family all in one place. The experience of single parents, high-risk people, and those without housing and food stability is drastically different than mine. With respect for the experience of others, I share these 20 thoughts about mine.
We stayed home before it was ordered because we could. It is important to remember that we are all part of the same herd, and we all need to protect the herd.
I like being at home “stuck” with my wife and kids during the pandemic.
Will working from home help men see how hard it is for women to balance priorities between work and family? For heterosexual couples, here they are sitting side by side at the dining room table or in the home office working. When they are sitting at the same table and the woman in the partnership is constantly interrupted to take care of their children, it has to be harder for the man in that partnership to sit there and keep working. Right? If this changes, it would go a long way towards gender equality.
Cooking without being rushed is fun! Yesterday, I made a fancy pasta lunch and created a recipe for a teriyaki pineapple pork tenderloin for dinner. Both meals were delicious.
I am teaching my kids how to clean, not just tidy. We are fortunate enough to have people who clean our house, but they need to stay home, too. This means that in addition to the kids’ usual routine of doing the dishes, wiping down the table and sweeping after meals, they are tasked with cleaning their bathroom and bedrooms. I created a checklist for each room and talked them through what to use and how to do it. I should have done this much earlier, but like I said, we are privileged not to have to do these things ourselves. They need to know how to scrub the shower and clean a toilet as they join the world. It took me years of working and doing these things myself before I could afford to hire someone to do them for me. I consider this a positive of the crisis – even if they do not. And, even though I have to clean my own toilet.
Following a schedule is really important to keep the kids and myself moving throughout the day.
Will men and women share the domestic work more evenly since they are all home? Again, both partners are home. The man must see that the woman is cleaning their house, washing their clothes, sweeping their floors, cooking and doing the dishes for their meals. They are both at home together – no work functions, extended hours, or business travel to mask the imbalance – he must notice. Hopefully, he will take action. What a wonderful outcome this would be.
Being inside these four walls, I have noticed they all need to be painted.
If this is hard for families with two parents, just imagine how hard it is for single parents.
No matter how many Oreos and Pringles we stock, we keep running out!
It is wonderful to not be constantly rushing to a sporting event, birthday party, work function, or running endless errands. Not that I don’t enjoy all those things, I do. But just being home is way more fun than I realized. Why do we overschedule ourselves and our kids so much?
I bought a compost bin many months ago but never took the time to start composting until now. I read a book about it but got overwhelmed and then there were so many excuses not to start. Luckily, a friend broke it down for me and last week, removed from my ignorance and all those excuses, I dug the kitchen compost pail out from the depths of the cabinet it was stuffed into unopened and started collecting kitchen materials. At the end of the week, I grabbed my full kitchen pail and a bag of shredded paper and headed for the bin outside. Only time will tell if I did it right.
Please consider helping a neighbor who is elderly or immune-compromised with a grocery or pharmacy run.
Our Nespresso machine and Soda Stream were great investments, as were the hair clippers and super shaver.
All that money you are saving on daily Starbucks, 7-11, and dining out can be put to fantastic use if you donate even a little of it to your local food bank, homeless shelter, red cross or a local charity helping provide PPE (personal protective equipment) and medical supplies.
I need a green screen and a better webcam.
Life during the pandemic is hard. So, it is more important than ever to be kind to yourself and others. This crisis is taking a huge emotional toll on all of us (to say nothing of the grief and loss, and the economic costs and fears). As a society, and more locally, as companies and families, we need to remember this. People react to this toll in different ways, and there is no one right way. That is why kindness is absolutely essential. You don’t know if the person you are on a Zoom call with just finished crying or is just barely holding it together until the call is over.
We have more books to read, games to play, puzzles to do, and movies to watch than I realized.
I don’t think the world will ever return to business as usual. Life during the pandemic has changed us forever. All of the supervisors and managers who thought their teams could never work remotely are experiencing remote work. For many of those teams it will be a relatively smooth transition. I think this will cause companies to rethink expensive headquarters and restrictive attendance policies. This crisis will help Gen Xers and Boomers realize what Millennials and beyond already know: freedom to work from anywhere is something to be prized – and it can be good for business.
You can never have enough patience or kindness. Or Pringles.
I am certain there are more learnings to come as we move further into life with the pandemic. Have you experienced any of these same things? What would you put on your list?
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